smoke. mirror.

How often does it happen to you???

                                      {to me?}

life….

plans…..

time…..

unexpectedly…..

change….

*

things go up…

burned…

broken….

bruised….

changes happening…

within us…

within everyone….

in the world….

in our world…

smoke gets in….

our eyes….

our throats….

all up in our business…

our concrete plans….  {poof}   [cough]

we live with this idea…

that we control things…

{ we don’t }

we hold on to the illusion….

we can control things…

[ we can’t ]

(very) little…

do we actually control…

[ though we like to pretend ]

some say…

we can only control…

our attitudes…

and our efforts…

I would even question

{ ? }

if that is always true…

though, I agree

[ Y ]

it is probably all we can ever practice

– & –

try to continue learning….

and so we look in the mirror…

we smile at ourselves…

just a little…

{ or a lot }

and after the smoke…

the fire…

the burned bridge…

the earthquake…

the life-storms of Biblical proportions…

the mirrored revelations…

the lessons in…

self mastery

( & )

shape shifting *

we travel on

{ there should be singing here }

leaving our worries in better hands

knowing, for sure, the best of life is always ahead…

proposing a toast

with that other strong, determined, Southern Belle –

“Tomorrow is another day“

singing out loud

with those who mean it with all their hearts and lives –

yes!

❤

Just like everyone alive

Your days will be full of threads

Weaving your life into a tapestry 

There will be days of great joy 

and ones of overwhelming sorrow

Good days 

Bad days

Medium days

Average days

Snow days

Hazy days

All your days you will have circumstances to accept and embrace

Some to let go – some to overcome

Life is not about being fair

Life is about winning with the cards you hold

Winning doesn’t mean being rich and famous

Winning means living as your very best and highest self

Winning means experiencing love, peace and joy

You’ll be as happy as you decide to be

You will be as healthy as is possible – based on your genetics and your lifestyle

You’ll choose to accept, or reject, what is offered you

You’ll do what you want to do

Go where you want to go

Keep holding on to what is most important to you 

   (even if you destroys it)

Love who you love

Be who you are 

You will be worth as much as you decide you are

You will have as much love as you allow inside you

You will have as much of God, and mystery, as you want

You will inhabit your life,
or not

All this will have nothing to do with your life’s circumstances 

or about anyone else, or what they do

It will all be about your choices

Simply and always your choices

 

(Photo sources found on pinterest / al513)

meanwhile…

has it struck you yet that answers come before questions? That healing begins with illness? And that you can’t have a dream come true without a time when it hasn’t?

shoot, isn’t it all so perfect? everyone, no matter where they are on their journey, can be happy.

tallyho,
The Universe

Meanwhile…
back at the resurrection
night has turned to day
here I stand amazed
at my own rebirth
dazed and a bit confused
eyes blinking in the morning sun
attempting to adjust
I am completely changed
from my life to death
back to life experience
more than a bit claustrophobic
due to the burial, no doubt
I am no longer sure
if my bank account is active
or my passport still relevant
how will I go on here in the world now?
what will my friends and family do with this who-is-now me?
they who have done with grief
and moved along with life in-between
I am, for sure, no longer the way I used to be
I have, for sure, experienced things they will never understand
I have flown with angels
and seen what lies beyond the Milky Way
I have, for sure, left my fear behind me in that fresh, unmarked grave
I know, for sure, there will be no turning back,
no compromise of this wild and exquisite thing beating within me
this life of mine is mine
this heartbeats miracle will be never forgotten gift
I can only take this first step
away from this boneyard
named and dated final markers
a place I no longer belong
I can only start close in
in silent revelry walking
along this uncharted path
which will only be revealed by my footsteps
I discard my grave clothes
and turn to see the colors of my new self shining
I take a small shaky step
and find the ground holds my weight
I breathe deep
inhale – exhale
soon I will attempt to speak
with my new voice
there is a song being written
which must be sung
a beauty seeking to burst
which will no longer be denied
a love now known
which will never be unknown
I raise my hands and kiss the sky
I bow my knees and kiss the ground
I rise and begin the journey
through the narrow gate
that leads home to LIFE

There are many times I am struck…

with this very strange truth…

IT IS ALMOST ALWAYS….

the best of times…

the worst of times….

life is this mixed bag…

of bitter / sweet…

in the middle of someone dying…

there is a response of someone being born…

in the middle of the wedding…

someone is filing for divorce…

in the middle of someone convinced they hold all truth…

there is someone doubting all they have been taught…

in the middle of fear…

is where we finally find courage….

I have taken back my own listening
The weeping cherries have cried their last for me this spring
We have eaten cake and shared a toast or two
The dogwoods and lilacs having waited, now bloom just for me
My heart is still full and empty at the same time
Flaming bushes hatch their eggs and throw holy joy into the blue sky
My tears find their way to the ocean, to mingle with their brothers and sisters
Freedom is never free, the cost is always found on the edge of a cruel mans’ sword
I lay on feathers of lost innocence, those naked birds plucked for my dinner
My body, still adjusting to this new age, burns away the old days, realizing this present moment is all I have
What does it mean that I spoke, for a minute, about you, about good hair, you in a suit and tie, aesthetically pleasing to the eye and ear
I wonder what will become of me in these nexts, in these upcomings, in these wild, deep blue yonders
My new friend, Khalid Bin Al Kamaal reminds me,
‘Don’t wander off alone in thought lest you dear feel lost’ – I have not listened to his well-intended advice
I am forever lost to my own thinking, forever making towards the light of my own future, forever stepping into the now of my own footsteps,
forever inhabiting my own self, forever revealing my own hearted purpose for be-ing here, forever knowing myself as I am known
Over and over I find new truth, for better or worse, I am that I am

sky

Beauty is truth, truth beauty —that is all
You know on earth, and all you need to know.
~John Keats

It’s written all over the sky…

Soar…

Freedom…

Trust….

FLY!!!!

there’s this Spring….

this beauty happening…

in my step….

in the air….

on the calendar….

on the wind…

on the clouds…

in the blue…

 

there’s these new things happening…

this love of my own wild and precious growing and changing…

in my footprints…

in my mind…

in my heart…

in my songs…

in my speaking…

 

there’s all these signs and wonders…

soaring throughout my days…

as I wander…

as I walk in silence…

as I speak into this new…

as I watch…

as I pray…

as I end…

…and wait for beginning…

there’s glory right here…

birds fill the air….

no time to settle….

just keep floating…

just keep soaring….

 

 

color bursts, dances and drops…

around me….

skies burn up, flame, kaleidoscope…

every night outside my door…

 

I sit empty…

I walk in silence…

In solitude….

Recovering…

Renewing….

Open Spaces….

Waiting….

Solitude is a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.  
                                                                                                                                        – Jung

{ok….

I like to talk….no torture there most of the time…

but I do find at certain times…

I CANNOT TALK}

I open my eyes…

I lift my eyes…

and there’s all this sparkly stuff happening…

just for me…

(well..this post is happening on my day….

…don’t worry, it’s all happening for you too…]

❤

 

intentional

 

 

I’m starting with day 9 of the #mayyoube from Project Happiness….

intentionally….

the home of the master

is not always what we expect. 

the soul of the yogi is sometimes, more than a little, troubled.  

the heart of the guru, not always easy or calm. 

the path of the pilgrim, not always smooth and straight. 

a lot of good angels, seem to be in need of a long, hot soapy shower. 

the most valiant warriors, come carrying death on their swords. 

the best pastures for the beloved sheep, are often quite tricky to find. 

the best of life, usually comes to us the very hard way. 

we fall. we learn. 

we rise. we fall again. 

in these days of fast food.

loud, busy 

and instant everything.

silence, prayer

and the elusive, most difficult, qualities of 

self mastery

&
virtue

are still the pathways

to happiness

we can do hard things

Life is worthy of our presence

our best attempts are all worth while

❤

Anais Nin reminds us…

 Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

Life takes courage…

Life gets better… 

            [ or worse ]

                  by choice…

Each choice you make today…

will directly effect your life tomorrow…

Find out who you are and do it on purpose.

Dolly Parton

❤

If you don’t know who you are…

what you stand for…

what you want your life to be about…

you won’t likely get a life you love..

What Does It Mean to Live Intentionally?

Intentional living is about knowing why you do what you do and why you don’t do what you don’t do.

Intentional living is being willing to take a step back and evaluate the things you’re doing.

Intentional living is about doing the things that are important to you even when they’re not easy.

Intentional living is about evaluating the advice and example of other people and taking from it what works for you.

 

And Here’s a Helpful Guide to begin living intentionally

{ Panache Desai has THE most stunning quotes/art I think I’ve ever seen…

so in love with his visuals…

(above and below)

check him out on facebook }

As I work on setting boundaries…

It very naturally leads me to….

Focusing on intentional living….

Who???

What???

Where???

Why???

Pinterest / al513

At least for a little while…

There is no guarantee for how long…

Life begs to be noticed…

to be inhabited…

RIGHT NOW…

May you live your life….

May I live mine….

To the fullest and best we can…

 

20

 

It turns May…

It’s my month…

facebook image

Spring is bursting all around…

May Day…

{Amy re-arranged spells May}

pinterest / al513

The month of my birth…

{I’ll be 52 on the 13th}

facebook

Mother’s Day…

{some years my birthday falls on that day of celebration of motherhood}

google images

The month of my youngest daughter, Kacie’s, birth…

{She’ll be 25 on the 24th}

google images

For my first 32 years May was…

my favored month….

so special…

I would count the days…

to my most special month of the year….

Google images

Then…

in the middle of Spring…

and birthdays…

and special days…

20 years ago…today…

{May 11, 1997}

on a hot day in Florida…

the storm of my life hit me…

and everything changed for me…

google image

some memorials leave long shadows…

some ugly scars never stop being sensitive to touch…

sometimes life never looks or feels the same again…

I began to count the days up to May…

with dread….

every year by March it felt like…

google image

 

The month of May became my most difficult…

most challenging…

most brutal…

{these words feel extremely understated}

31 days of the year….

year after year…

I would know May was coming….

like an inevitable zombie apocalypse…

google images

 

And so, in the desperation of those early moments…

Not knowing how to survive…

I know I MUST find goodness…

or else I cannot make it….

and there in those most fractured moments…

I establish the thread of my life-line…

What will become my life-blood…

the source of my hope and my strength…

I count the gifts….

Pinterest / al513

Yes, I begin to seek the gifts to be found in every day…

and guess what????

no matter what other circumstance I found myself in….

Every single day…

I FOUND A GIFT!

Most days I found multiple gifts!!

I CHOSE TO FOCUS ON THE GIFTS!!!

year…

after…

year…

slowly…

oh

so

very

slowly

over these past 20 years…

I begin to heal my heart…

❤

I begin to learn all these new things…

❤

I begin to know how to cherish and welcome what came…

❤

I begin to love life again…

in new ways…

❤

and now 20 years later…

❤

I welcome May…

no, it’s not the same innocent, breathless sort of excitement…

but a much more powerful knowing of goodness….

a much more acknowledgement of the sweet & bitter which comes to each…

a much more breath-taking, grace giving outlook…

a much more ruthlessly-determined trusting…

a much more real-as-I-can-be gratitude…

a much more love & wisdom infused life stance…

 ❤

this year May starts with days of fog….

                       [I love fog]

also times of blue so beautiful it can’t be improved by artificial filters…

and I stand tall…

{ ok…part of that is because…I’m 5’10” ❤ }

right here…

in my own shoes…

remembering 20 years of this…

and I write this blog post….

to celebrate this day…

this month…

this moment…

over days…

of tears and laughter…

of sadness and joy…

of leaving space and looking forward…

of sharing hope and carving new boundaries…

of being grateful I know how to appreciate everything…

yes…

everything…

from unexpected Mondays – to making the best out of every single Tuesday…

all I can say is…

LIFE IS GOOD!

and right here…

where this crazy road has brought me to…

is the best place of all….

I do not know what you will do, or what your destiny will be. I know only this: that the happiest among you will be those who have sought and found a way to serve.
                                                                                – Albert Schweitzer

 

Thank you for being a part of my adventure…

for reading my words…

for taking care of yourself…

facebook

yup….

here’s the thing…

what’s a girl to do with all this happiness?
what sort of containers can hold this amount of wild joy?
will howling at the moon help?
or dancing in a beautiful fountain with you?
will you take a back road to see me?
tell me  I’m the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen?
will you love me?
living well doesn’t depend on it…
but wouldn’t it be nice…

to share this happiness with you
to do something wild together?

to spend some beautiful time together
on this spectacular journey?

Let’s just allow joy to flow in big puddles all around us,

do some soul dancing and some joy searching –

till we swim in the ocean of all this amazing grace!

Have I told you I love you today?

Because, I do…

I really do!

❤

no. no. not.

It seems to come down to one primary theme for most every human I know, or have known. To carve a canyon of self-love in the heart of a shamed inner landscape. Not easy, when those inscripted to build that foundation failed to pass on tools. Not easy, when our ancestry planted seeds of self-hatred in the fields of our consciousness. It takes all that we have, a fertile imagination and a courageous willingness, to forage through the brush to find it. Often we look for it in others, and end up sorely disappointed. Because they can’t do it for us. They just can’t. This is our work, the work of our lives. To learn how to love ourselves, for real. People talk a lot about finding their purpose, without realizing that cultivating self-love IS sacred purpose. It’s the thing that changes everything.

  ~ Jeff Brown

There are these days when I’m on overload….

Too much…

Too many…

 

I wind up at my breaking point…

I realize I must say ‘no’ to something…

I don’t want to say ‘no’….

others don’t want me to say ‘no’…

everything gets hard…

and harder….

rock hard…

and…

I HAVE to say ‘no’

In response I receive a ‘no. no. not.’…

it feels like a directive….

 

Suddenly I realize I do not have many boundaries in place…

Maybe never have had very good ones???

a bit of {shock} happens within…

I draw in…

and…

 

 

ok…..

 

 

 

 

 

It’s definitely not a natural thing for me to do…

Feels more than a bit awkward…

I wasn’t taught to have boundaries…

I wasn’t permitted to answer ‘no‘….

I get very silent…

 

I begin to do research on boundary setting….

 

I do worksheets…

 

I do Tapping Sessions….

http://www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/setting-boundaries/

I do art projects…

I take pictures….

I begin to learn some new things….

it is time I say ‘no’

my need for silence 

drawn from the beauty 

of listening 

to the band playing my song

I find myself on holy ground,

surrounded by glory 

the burning bush

no shoes allowed

I kiss the ground

 these are virtuous moments 

 where I find all the answers to 

my unique ‘yes’

&…

Amen

and so I learn…

I know it’s a process….

It’s like building a fence…

I feel it shifting….

one small piece at a time….

one slow step in front of each other…

remembering….

 

Oh and…
Happy Derby Day!!