the holy mundane miracle

No Miracle Happens

IN DOSTOEVSKI’S NOVEL The Brothers Karamazov there is an extraordinary scene where the old monk Father Zossima dies. They lay him out in his coffin in the chapel, and all of the monks wait around to see a miracle—for the body to give off the fragrance of a rose, maybe, or his dead face to flicker with a holy light. But no miracle happens, and not only does no miracle happen, but as time goes by something else happens instead. After a while the body shows signs of decomposition, and gradually—though at first the monks try not to notice it—the chapel is filled with the stink of death. No miracle happens, but decay and death happen, the stench of dust returning to dust; and the one who loved the old man most—Alyosha, the youngest of the brothers—stands ready to give the whole thing up as a bad joke, to give up all hope of miracle, to give up his life, to give up if not God himself then the dusty world that hides God from our sight. Then he has this dream.

He is keeping vigil at the old man’s coffin while one of the monks reads the story of the Wedding at Cana over it, and when he falls asleep, the dream comes. It is a dream about Cana. There are the guests, there are the young couple sitting, the wise governor of the feast, and suddenly there is old Zossima too—a little thin old man with tiny wrinkles on his face, and of all the things he could be doing, what he is doing in that dream is laughing, laughing at that great feast like a child. And when Alyosha wakes up, he does something that he himself does not fully understand. He tears out of the chapel and rushes down into the monastery yard. He hears inside himself the words, “Water the earth with the tears of your joy and love those tears” and suddenly he gets down on all fours and kisses the earth with his lips; and when he gets up, he’s no longer a teary wreck of a boy but a “champion,” Dostoevski writes—some kind of crazy champion and hero.

– Originally published in A Room Called Remember by Frederick Buechner

 

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here’s the deal that I’m currently experiencing as bottom-line…

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Wispy thoughts
Soft white shadows
Smoky Silhouettes
of Trees on hills
Shades of white on white
Grey-Green-Sienna
Muddled
Misty
Mystery
Soft fog filling the world
I drive through this soft, thin place
the only edges
are cut mountain rocks
strong
firm
contrasting
teaching me about life
teaching me about spirit
Changing me
Softening my eyes
Filling my heart with a new holy
Softening my darkness
as hope slips in
under the closed door of my heart

I’m back at a new beginning and feel myself falling once again…

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in love with this concept of simply be-ing human…

https://kaespodesign.com/

the ‘easy’ miracles we often don’t appreciate…

the miracle of the simple fact that our heart beats…

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the beauty of life as it is right now…

the magical lettuce we grow right outside in our own patch of dirt…

veggies from my sister, Nancy’s [aka Non] garden

remember to remember…

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I feel like I’ve been making things WAAAAY too complicated….

Tell me a story
End it with you getting that blood
out of your favorite yellow pants
Make me belly laugh with your mystery
captured from the mundane
the wounds of your humanity
Inspire me to rewrite my own boredom
my insane tragedies
into divine comedies to entertain myself
sing with me
La dee da dee da

save me from my inherent heaviness
allow me to enjoy my special fool within
until my effervescence bubbles for all to see
Lights flashing within me
all the colors of my own personal rainbow
Then I will raise my hands
and sigh with all this released cascading joy
as we all dance and yell to the moon, and beyond,
Very good
Very good
YAY! 

the greatest miracle may just simply be…

the final straws of our discontent….

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the tears, smiles and laughter we experience each day we are granted beats…

we are full of beating love…

adventures await us as we gently step into our own unique rhythm…

I walk in clouds of messy grace

carry them with me wherever I go

I traverse the worlds of the dark and the light

allowing them both to be places I belong

I jump in puddles of deep infinity splashing stardust with my feet of clay

I sail my ship into the driest desert  full sails catching the fine winds of new understanding

I climb the highest mountains

to see all the beauty found above and below me

I lay in the green grass of home to respect the very stuff that I am made of

I drop for 45 minutes into the center of the earth

to allow my stubbornness to burn away

I search the seas at midnight to find one open heart like nine

I am the night ocean

mysterious life. sparkling light-forms

I am the stable earth

wings of birds. creepy creeping things

I am the rain forest

rarest orchid. poison-est frog.

I am the hottest desert

stickiest cacti. smallest grain of sand.

I am the heavens

guarded by angels. home of God.

I am the word

spoken. written. thought.

we are possibles

be-ings. unlimited. infinite.

I am you

child. sibling. parent. friend.

as you are me

loving. lover. loved. beloved. love.

 

 

cold/hot

 

Green was the silence, wet was the light,
the month of June trembled like a butterfly.
– Pablo Nerunda

June (in Connecticut) started rainy and cold…

the greening vines just kept growing and changing color…

the word LUSH comes to mind…

we went straight from cold to hot…

hot cold 1

I put the air conditioner in the window almost half way in (6/11)…

cold

sometimes the spelling gets a little wacky…

 

spell

yet we still know what it’s saying….

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because….

inside we always know…

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I’ve spent the greater part of the last two months…

going slow…

{ in Norway there is this

maybe they’re on to something!}

listening…

practicing this…

rest

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You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come, to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.

John O’Donohue

Excerpt from the blessing, ‘For One Who is Exhausted’

some days I get impatient for things to go faster…

http://slowdownnow.org/

[I’m now an official member of the International Institute of Not Doing Much…

I encourage you to join me in this worthy, slow-grow movement!]

smile

 

One of the interesting things I am learning…

is how much I have been attracting ‘fiery’ energy into my life…

because I have felt it ‘pushed’ me to be more…

because I felt I needed to be more…

I am learning to trust my own needs…

finally learning to accept my own pace as ok…

maybe, not just ok…

but truly – SPECTACULAR!

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finally embracing my own flow…

 

love

It’s interesting that I feel a growing sense of grounding…

a sense of removing something toxic…

something that has caused inconsistency in my life and relationships…

something that has caused much inability to be in my own purpose…

That’s the way things come clear. All of a sudden.
And then you realize how obvious they’ve been all along.
~Madeleine L’Engle

not sure where it’s leading…

as of yet…

maybe nowhere but here…

and somewhere…somehow…

I think I’m completely ok with that…

all good

memes and photos found on Google images

of budgets & brouhaha’s

 

 

 

 

What if you woke up with today…
and found yourself with only those things you were grateful for yesterday?

 

 

 

 

before I talk about budgets…
I always talk…
and think….
about gratitude…

 

 

 

 

Over 20 years ago…
I left….
on my way out the door…
what would turn out to be…
the very last time…
I would ever enter the beautiful home I had created….
THIS framed Bible verse is what I picked up…
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I’ve wondered a thousand times how that happened….
I remember doing it…
almost as if, somehow, I instinctively knew..
it was what would save me…
something to KEEP me…
something more important than any other possession I had…
was the counting of gifts…
was the giving of thanks…
No matter what circumstance or brouhaha
It is indeed…
what saved my life!IMG_5675[1].JPG

the act of gratitude…

is our invincible summer!

20 years forward on this crazy path…

it sits on my bookshelf…

in its place of daily reminder…

I go no where…

I do nothing…

without giving thanks…

I have come to

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the thanks we weave through our days

in…

the stirring of soup

the matching of socks

the washing of china

the feeling of clean sheets

the smell of grilling meat

our feet on the glory path of nature

the building of our budgets – big or small

our eyes lifted to sky & sea

the telling of our stories

the reading of each others poems

the morning hug

the kiss goodnight

Is where we find our

TRUTH

our very

LIFE

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This past week I have been working on my personal budget…

budget

Becoming more mindful of how to sculpt my future…

 

 

 

 

The signs are everywhere…

 

 

 

 

Looking at what I really want to accomplish…

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What my goals are…

 

 

 

 

 

What I want as foundational…

 

 

 

 

 

 

and so I set my eyes to the future…

 

 

Pure audacity right here…

in this current brouhaha of our world…

brouhaha

I say this a lot…

it’s another thing I have come to believe…

 

 

 

 

 

 We climb mountains
We get back up when we fall
We keep fighting for our dreams
We refuse to die, while there is breath within us
We stare our suffering in the eye
we walk straight through the dark forest with courage,
trusting our steps will not fall
We will not fail
We are warriors
We are the chosen
We are strong yet soft
We know ourselves
Acknowledge our weaknesses
while seeking for truth
Bow in humility when we make a mistake
Easily say the words –
forgive me and I forgive you

Light glows within us
We are the children
We are the beloved
We are the followers
of this majesty
properly named
grace & beauty
which comes to us right where we are
but never leaves us there
from glory to glory
we are learning to be holy
as we walk the mountains and valleys
listening for the call
thirsty for more
abandoned to love
eyes to the sky
lifting up each other
life gives us all good things
peace unshakable
Joy unending
Patience to wait for a drop more of this un-understandable mystery
Love unconditional and unlimited
we are free to be who we were created to be
we do nothing from guilt or manipulation
our love songs come from gratitude
expressions of love pour out unfettered
joy-full
We speak with authority
not to judge
but from experience
nothing can rip our faith from our hearts
we Know that we Know
because we have seen with our eyes
heard with our ears
been moved in direct opposition to our own selfishness.
and so we climb
Ever upward and outward
toward the stars
toward the heavens.
They say God saves his best work
for the inside of things.
May it be so, Lord
May it, always, be so

possible

images found on google

expectations

200_s

 

7am Saturday comes…

Half-way through this Year of our Lord…

2017 AD….

Third day of June…

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There is no blog post for

The Oracles’ Compass…

compass-heart

The last week of May started with Memorial Day…

I actually had a 4 day weekend…..

I had long, multiple hour phone calls of inspiration, connection and conversation…

I deep cleaned and moved rugs and furniture…

had moments of sheer wonder of how dust can gather itself….

I read lots of very inspiring poetry….

A book of  serious poems all in one evening….

I didn’t write much…

just a little…

I worked on my budget…

{based on sheer miracles…}

 

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Work was a bit crazy…

the newsletters…

the copies…

the bulletins…

the phone…

the allergies….

a long week…

in 4 short days…

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The OC post-time was in my subliminal…

It just never broke into my space-time reality…

I’ll let you work that all out…

All I know is…

Saturday morning came…

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and I have no post…

nothing

not intentionally in one way…

I wanted to do a blog…

I meant to do a blog…

I thought about blogs…

I just couldn’t get a blog completed this week…

and…it’s all ok…

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My “deadlines”…

at least ‘here’ on my blog…

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Are ALL self-imposed…

and so…

I do something out of the normal…

something exciting…

something unusual…

I WRITE this post on Saturday Evening!

After a long day…

which began early….

download

I think about the most important thing…

I can tell you I have learned from this week….

Is this….

I think about the most important thing…

I can tell you I have learned from the first half of this year…

Might just be this…

there is magic everywhere…

In two days I will cross an anniversary…

[ of sorts ]

the wasn't in the plan

It makes me wonder as I think how much a brief encounter

can completely change your life

for better in ways…

and for not better in others…

AZG-CHANGED

after the four Miles had come and gone

and the three tenors had paused abruptly 

my two legs stopped to design some landscapes 

plant a few hedged borders

build a moat 

or maybe several 

the forsythia’s flame had burned to the ground in minutes

I had no cake

so I sat eating a protein bar by the ocean

(Literally…

tho the sensual strength of it all makes me smile)

sand, definitely, all up in my business

I lay, watching blue and white swirls

birds up high – teaching me to trust 

the sun making a last stand atop the tree-line

water…well, what more do I need to say..

breathing deep

achieving serenity

smelling favorites 

the erotic mixture of charcoal and meat

mixed with freshly mowed grass 

I float in tune with the laughter of children 

fading in and out as they just run until breathless

there was nothing sexy 

about the couple loudly talking staff meetings 

beside the waters edge

but the feather left on the path in front of me 

on my way home

spoke of wisdom meant just for me

I carried it home in my pocket

I used to miss you on a Friday night

but, now I make an important discovery 

as I slowly make my way home

between sitting on freshly cut stumps

and old stone bridges

writing poems on the path

Now I’m much too busy to miss you

 being at peace 

with my own lyrics

being in love

with my own life

Photos from Google Images

smoke. mirror.

How often does it happen to you???

                                      {to me?}

life….

plans…..

time…..

unexpectedly…..

change….

*

things go up…

burned…

broken….

bruised….

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changes happening…

within us…

within everyone….

in the world….

in our world…

smoke gets in….

our eyes….

our throats….

all up in our business…

our concrete plans….  {poof}   [cough]

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we live with this idea…

that we control things…

{ we don’t }

smoke

we hold on to the illusion….

we can control things…

[ we can’t ]

tree 1

(very) little…

do we actually control…

[ though we like to pretend ]

Control-Freak2

some say…

we can only control…

our attitudes…

and our efforts…

I would even question

{ ? }

if that is always true…

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though, I agree

[ Y ]

it is probably all we can ever practice

– & –

try to continue learning….

and so we look in the mirror…

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we smile at ourselves…

just a little…

{ or a lot }

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image

and after the smoke…

the fire

the burned bridge…

the earthquake…

the life-storms of Biblical proportions…

the mirrored revelations…

the lessons in…

self mastery

( & )

shape shifting *

we travel on

{ there should be singing here }

leaving our worries in better hands

knowing, for sure, the best of life is always ahead…

proposing a toast

with that other strong, determined, Southern Belle –

Tomorrow is another day

singing out loud

with those who mean it with all their hearts and lives –

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yes!

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Just like everyone alive

Your days will be full of threads

Weaving your life into a tapestry 

There will be days of great joy 

and ones of overwhelming sorrow

Good days 

Bad days

Medium days

Average days

Snow days

Hazy days

All your days you will have circumstances to accept and embrace

Some to let go – some to overcome

Life is not about being fair

Life is about winning with the cards you hold

Winning doesn’t mean being rich and famous

Winning means living as your very best and highest self

Winning means experiencing love, peace and joy

You’ll be as happy as you decide to be

You will be as healthy as is possible – based on your genetics and your lifestyle

You’ll choose to accept, or reject, what is offered you

You’ll do what you want to do

Go where you want to go

Keep holding on to what is most important to you 

   (even if you destroys it)

Love who you love

Be who you are 

You will be worth as much as you decide you are

You will have as much love as you allow inside you

You will have as much of God, and mystery, as you want

You will inhabit your life,
or not

All this will have nothing to do with your life’s circumstances 

or about anyone else, or what they do

It will all be about your choices

Simply and always your choices

 

(Photo sources found on pinterest / al513)

meanwhile…

has it struck you yet that answers come before questions? That healing begins with illness? And that you can’t have a dream come true without a time when it hasn’t?

shoot, isn’t it all so perfect? everyone, no matter where they are on their journey, can be happy.

tallyho,
The Universe

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Meanwhile…
back at the resurrection
night has turned to day
here I stand amazed
at my own rebirth
dazed and a bit confused
eyes blinking in the morning sun
attempting to adjust
I am completely changed
from my life to death
back to life experience
more than a bit claustrophobic
due to the burial, no doubt
I am no longer sure
if my bank account is active
or my passport still relevant
how will I go on here in the world now?
what will my friends and family do with this who-is-now me?
they who have done with grief
and moved along with life in-between
I am, for sure, no longer the way I used to be
I have, for sure, experienced things they will never understand
I have flown with angels
and seen what lies beyond the Milky Way
I have, for sure, left my fear behind me in that fresh, unmarked grave
I know, for sure, there will be no turning back,
no compromise of this wild and exquisite thing beating within me
this life of mine is mine
this heartbeats miracle will be never forgotten gift
I can only take this first step
away from this boneyard
named and dated final markers
a place I no longer belong
I can only start close in
in silent revelry walking
along this uncharted path
which will only be revealed by my footsteps
I discard my grave clothes
and turn to see the colors of my new self shining
I take a small shaky step
and find the ground holds my weight
I breathe deep
inhale – exhale
soon I will attempt to speak
with my new voice
there is a song being written
which must be sung
a beauty seeking to burst
which will no longer be denied
a love now known
which will never be unknown
I raise my hands and kiss the sky
I bow my knees and kiss the ground
I rise and begin the journey
through the narrow gate
that leads home to LIFE

There are many times I am struck…

with this very strange truth…

IT IS ALMOST ALWAYS….

the best of times…

ampersand-4

the worst of times….

life is this mixed bag…

of bitter / sweet…

in the middle of someone dying…

there is a response of someone being born…

in the middle of the wedding…

someone is filing for divorce…

in the middle of someone convinced they hold all truth…

there is someone doubting all they have been taught…

in the middle of fear…

is where we finally find courage….

I have taken back my own listening
The weeping cherries have cried their last for me this spring
We have eaten cake and shared a toast or two
The dogwoods and lilacs having waited, now bloom just for me
My heart is still full and empty at the same time
Flaming bushes hatch their eggs and throw holy joy into the blue sky
My tears find their way to the ocean, to mingle with their brothers and sisters
Freedom is never free, the cost is always found on the edge of a cruel mans’ sword
I lay on feathers of lost innocence, those naked birds plucked for my dinner
My body, still adjusting to this new age, burns away the old days, realizing this present moment is all I have
What does it mean that I spoke, for a minute, about you, about good hair, you in a suit and tie, aesthetically pleasing to the eye and ear
I wonder what will become of me in these nexts, in these upcomings, in these wild, deep blue yonders
My new friend, Khalid Bin Al Kamaal reminds me,
‘Don’t wander off alone in thought lest you dear feel lost’ – I have not listened to his well-intended advice
I am forever lost to my own thinking, forever making towards the light of my own future, forever stepping into the now of my own footsteps,
forever inhabiting my own self, forever revealing my own hearted purpose for be-ing here, forever knowing myself as I am known
Over and over I find new truth, for better or worse, I am that I am

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sky

Beauty is truth, truth beauty —that is all
You know on earth, and all you need to know.
~John Keats

It’s written all over the sky…

Soar…

Freedom…

Trust….

FLY!!!!

there’s this Spring….

this beauty happening…

in my step….

in the air….

on the calendar….

on the wind…

on the clouds…

in the blue…

 

there’s these new things happening…

this love of my own wild and precious growing and changing…

in my footprints…

in my mind…

in my heart…

in my songs…

in my speaking…

 

there’s all these signs and wonders…

soaring throughout my days…

as I wander…

as I walk in silence…

as I speak into this new…

as I watch…

as I pray…

as I end…

…and wait for beginning…

there’s glory right here…

birds fill the air….

no time to settle….

just keep floating…

just keep soaring….

 

 

color bursts, dances and drops…

around me….

skies burn up, flame, kaleidoscope…

every night outside my door…

 

I sit empty…

I walk in silence…

In solitude….

Recovering…

Renewing….

Open Spaces….

Waiting….

Solitude is a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.  
                                                                                                                                        – Jung

{ok….

I like to talk….no torture there most of the time…

but I do find at certain times…

I CANNOT TALK}

I open my eyes…

I lift my eyes…IMG_4430[1]

and there’s all this sparkly stuff happening…

just for me…

(well..this post is happening on my day….

…don’t worry, it’s all happening for you too…]

me

 

intentional

 

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I’m starting with day 9 of the #mayyoube from Project Happiness….

intentionally….

the home of the master

is not always what we expect. 

the soul of the yogi is sometimes, more than a little, troubled.  

the heart of the guru, not always easy or calm. 

the path of the pilgrim, not always smooth and straight. 

a lot of good angels, seem to be in need of a long, hot soapy shower. 

the most valiant warriors, come carrying death on their swords. 

the best pastures for the beloved sheep, are often quite tricky to find. 

the best of life, usually comes to us the very hard way. 

we fall. we learn. 

we rise. we fall again. 

in these days of fast food.

loud, busy 

and instant everything.

silence, prayer

and the elusive, most difficult, qualities of 

self mastery

&
virtue

are still the pathways

to happiness

we can do hard things

Life is worthy of our presence

our best attempts are all worth while

Anais Nin reminds us…

 Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

Life takes courage…

Life gets better… bad decisions

            [ or worse ]

                  by choice…

Each choice you make today…

will directly effect your life tomorrow…

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Find out who you are and do it on purpose.

Dolly Parton

If you don’t know who you are…

what you stand for…

what you want your life to be about…

you won’t likely get a life you love..

What Does It Mean to Live Intentionally?

Intentional living is about knowing why you do what you do and why you don’t do what you don’t do.

Intentional living is being willing to take a step back and evaluate the things you’re doing.

Intentional living is about doing the things that are important to you even when they’re not easy.

Intentional living is about evaluating the advice and example of other people and taking from it what works for you.

 

And Here’s a Helpful Guide to begin living intentionally

{ Panache Desai has THE most stunning quotes/art I think I’ve ever seen…

so in love with his visuals…

(above and below)

check him out on facebook }

As I work on setting boundaries…

It very naturally leads me to….

Focusing on intentional living….

Who???

What???

Where???

Why???

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Pinterest / al513

At least for a little while…

There is no guarantee for how long…

Life begs to be noticed…

to be inhabited…

RIGHT NOW…

May you live your life….

May I live mine….

To the fullest and best we can…

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20

 

It turns May…

It’s my month…

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facebook image

Spring is bursting all around…

May Day…

{Amy re-arranged spells May}

may day

pinterest / al513

The month of my birth…

{I’ll be 52 on the 13th}

happy

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Mother’s Day…

{some years my birthday falls on that day of celebration of motherhood}

md

google images

The month of my youngest daughter, Kacie’s, birth…

{She’ll be 25 on the 24th}

ka

google images

For my first 32 years May was…

my favored month….

so special…

I would count the days…

to my most special month of the year….

sp

Google images

Then…

in the middle of Spring…

and birthdays…

and special days…

20 years ago…today…

{May 11, 1997}

on a hot day in Florida…

the storm of my life hit me…

and everything changed for me…

shattered

google image

some memorials leave long shadows…

some ugly scars never stop being sensitive to touch…

sometimes life never looks or feels the same again…

I began to count the days up to May…

with dread….

every year by March it felt like…

The-Doomsday-Clock

google image

 

The month of May became my most difficult…

most challenging…

most brutal…

{these words feel extremely understated}

31 days of the year….

year after year…

I would know May was coming….

like an inevitable zombie apocalypse…

za

google images

 

And so, in the desperation of those early moments…

Not knowing how to survive…

I know I MUST find goodness…

or else I cannot make it….

and there in those most fractured moments…

I establish the thread of my life-line…

What will become my life-blood…

the source of my hope and my strength…

I count the gifts….

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Pinterest / al513

Yes, I begin to seek the gifts to be found in every day…

and guess what????

no matter what other circumstance I found myself in….

Every single day…

I FOUND A GIFT!

Most days I found multiple gifts!!

I CHOSE TO FOCUS ON THE GIFTS!!!

year…

after…

year…

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slowly…

oh

so

very

slowly

over these past 20 years…

I begin to heal my heart…

I begin to learn all these new things…

I begin to know how to cherish and welcome what came…

I begin to love life again…

in new ways…

and now 20 years later

I welcome May

no, it’s not the same innocent, breathless sort of excitement…

but a much more powerful knowing of goodness….

a much more acknowledgement of the sweet & bitter which comes to each…

a much more breath-taking, grace giving outlook…

a much more ruthlessly-determined trusting…

a much more real-as-I-can-be gratitude…

a much more love & wisdom infused life stance…

 ❤

this year May starts with days of fog….

                       [I love fog]

also times of blue so beautiful it can’t be improved by artificial filters…

and I stand tall…

{ ok…part of that is because…I’m 5’10” ❤ }

right here…

in my own shoes…

remembering 20 years of this…

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and I write this blog post….

to celebrate this day…

this month…

this moment…

over days…

of tears and laughter…

of sadness and joy…

of leaving space and looking forward…

of sharing hope and carving new boundaries…

of being grateful I know how to appreciate everything…

yes…

everything…

from unexpected Mondays – to making the best out of every single Tuesday…

all I can say is…

LIFE IS GOOD!

and right here…

where this crazy road has brought me to…

is the best place of all….

I do not know what you will do, or what your destiny will be. I know only this: that the happiest among you will be those who have sought and found a way to serve.
                                                                                – Albert Schweitzer

 

Thank you for being a part of my adventure…

for reading my words…

for taking care of yourself…

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yup….

here’s the thing…

what’s a girl to do with all this happiness?
what sort of containers can hold this amount of wild joy?
will howling at the moon help?
or dancing in a beautiful fountain with you?
will you take a back road to see me?
tell me  I’m the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen?
will you love me?
living well doesn’t depend on it…
but wouldn’t it be nice…

to share this happiness with you
to do something wild together?

to spend some beautiful time together
on this spectacular journey?

Let’s just allow joy to flow in big puddles all around us,

do some soul dancing and some joy searching –

till we swim in the ocean of all this amazing grace!

Have I told you I love you today?

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Because, I do…

I really do!

no. no. not.

It seems to come down to one primary theme for most every human I know, or have known. To carve a canyon of self-love in the heart of a shamed inner landscape. Not easy, when those inscripted to build that foundation failed to pass on tools. Not easy, when our ancestry planted seeds of self-hatred in the fields of our consciousness. It takes all that we have, a fertile imagination and a courageous willingness, to forage through the brush to find it. Often we look for it in others, and end up sorely disappointed. Because they can’t do it for us. They just can’t. This is our work, the work of our lives. To learn how to love ourselves, for real. People talk a lot about finding their purpose, without realizing that cultivating self-love IS sacred purpose. It’s the thing that changes everything.

  ~ Jeff Brown

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There are these days when I’m on overload….

Too much…

Too many…

 

I wind up at my breaking point…

I realize I must say ‘no’ to something…

I don’t want to say ‘no’….

others don’t want me to say ‘no’…

everything gets hard…

and harder….

rock hard…

and…

I HAVE to say ‘no’

In response I receive a ‘no. no. not.’…

it feels like a directive….

 

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Suddenly I realize I do not have many boundaries in place…

Maybe never have had very good ones???

a bit of {shock} happens within…

I draw in…

and…

i-say-stop

staaaap

breathe

 

 

slow

ok…..

 

 

 

 

 

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It’s definitely not a natural thing for me to do…

Feels more than a bit awkward…

I wasn’t taught to have boundaries…

I wasn’t permitted to answer ‘no‘….

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I get very silent…

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I begin to do research on boundary setting….

 

I do worksheets…

 

I do Tapping Sessions….

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http://www.thetappingsolution.com/blog/setting-boundaries/

I do art projects…

I take pictures….

I begin to learn some new things….

it is time I say ‘no’

my need for silence 

drawn from the beauty 

of listening 

to the band playing my song

I find myself on holy ground,

surrounded by glory 

the burning bush

no shoes allowed

I kiss the ground

 these are virtuous moments 

 where I find all the answers to 

my unique ‘yes’

&…

Amen

and so I learn…

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I know it’s a process….

It’s like building a fence…

I feel it shifting….

one small piece at a time….

one slow step in front of each other…

remembering….

slow

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Oh and…
Happy Derby Day!!