So many things on my mind this week – Tuesday, January 10, was a huge 5th Anniversary of a milestone event for me. Those dates always bring a lot of reflection and celebration into my week, and change me in certain ways as I move forward from them.
I’ve also had several really interesting and challenging conversations this week. One discussion with someone who believes we cannot change our past, that we can never out grow, out run, or out distance our foundational beginnings. I do not agree. I do agree that it is difficult and there are few people who even attempt it, but I believe we CAN. I’m staking my life on that possibility.
When the sooty corners of our dark night
absorb into porcelain skin at last
leaving it a whole new shade of refined
When the geese in their skeined wedge take another enchanted voyage across the endless blue
When we wake up to this new day
loving life in spite of all that has gone before
When the one who loves us allows us joy in our exile
until we are ready to break our silent bread
When we allow the challenging heaviness of our limiting beliefs to enter into our arena
wrestling until we have achieved Olympic gold
When we trust the great freedom of what has brought us to this very moment
When the wine of our heart
in it’s purest burgundy of bubbling merry or deepest sorrow
pours clear and jeweled in its crushing
When we give away freely our best crimson vintage
to everyone we meet at the royal wedding
and take off our scarlet badges forever more to allow each to live in freedom
When we finally recognize the truth that there is no journey of arriving
there is simply life
this grandest celebration of skin touching skin
the sharing of moments
the wonder of storytelling
the ancient ancestral linage of our tree-relations
the wonder of teaching and tasting and exploring
coffee and kisses and learning any odd/old/new thing with the ones you love
then we have arrived at our true work
the ‘why’ we have sought desperately to uncover for so long
lying crumpled and useless in the rubbish pile
as we, a bit drunk, on our own exquisite knowing
make love to the world in blissful ecstasy
shhhh…there are new songs playing
to Dark Star…alive
In this world…
a new dead-head is born
I’m so glad there is you
Another conversation popping around in my head is about the ways we protect ourselves, so much of it, subconscious. These protections, which are needed to protect us during abusive and harmful circumstances, naturally become part of our living. The problem with that is, it can lead us to live way off kilter in every area of our lives. It shows up in our work, in our relationships, in our money, in our way of living and making a living.
Those of us who have had trauma continue to carry those beliefs we adopted at those points in life, and they continue to keep us stuck in patterns we, most of the time, do not want to continue in, as it rarely leads us to the door of freedom and joy!
And so we continue to knock, without realizing we are already on the inside of the door and our freedom depends on us looking within to resolve those things done to us way back then, which will lead us to a new life now.
This past year I have been working on resolving some of these traumas. Things so buried I didn’t even remember them. As I do the work, I am uncovering them one by one. It’s been a difficult, yet truly transformational, process. I am currently use a technique called Tapping (aka EFT/Emotional Freedom Technique) to do this work to break up long held false beliefs, release trauma and, in doing so, releasing myself from the belief that I need a relationship BEFORE I can do my work in the world, Releasing chronic pain from sciatica held in my body for 24+ years and continuing to discover and excavate traumatic incidents from my childhood and adulthood, which is leading me to finally begin to stabilize financially, as well as using my gift of singing after 51 years. It is a miraculous process.
Here are some links to some of the resources I am using, in case you are interested in finding out more about it –
Do you believe we can change our lives?
Do you believe we can heal our trauma?
Do you believe we can overcome our foundations?
Do you believe we can become who we want to be?
Do you believe we can live in joy and peace?
The dark is as bright as the light
once you settle into its rhythm
get to know your other senses so well
you begin to see with your ears
your skin can see what’s ahead
the sensations of your breathing
alert you to danger and angels
open the darkened eyes
to sight beyond vision
and the darkness falls away
and you are left with an unnatural conclusion
which no one can take from you…
the dark is as bright as the light
seeing is a subjective process
the ground will hold our weight
we are never abandoned
we have no control
except to accept and surrender
we have no control
except to accept and surrender
– Amy Lloyd
I have been blinded by darkness and blinded by light.
What I’ve learned from it is how to adjust my eyes, my mind and my soul so I can see in both. – Lissette